Here’s my slightly alternate opening to Love, Love Love.
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In the choir room, Mr. Schue addressed the group.
“With regionals behind us,” he began, “and nationals only a couple short months away, the time has come to spend two weeks and tackle the most massive project we’ve ever done.”
He walked over to the white board and wrote
BEATLES
“I don’t think we’ve ever spent two weeks on an assignment, Mr. Schue.” Tina said.
“Hey, the Beatles are so epic that we need two weeks to do them justice,” he told her.
Then he turned to address the entire group. “This week is all about the early years of the Beatles, when all they had was a belief in each other and a belief that together they could do anything.”
“Ugh,” Kitty groaned, “The school year seems like it’s never ending, and now we’re wasting two whole weeks on a band from the 1940s? Seriously, can anyone still relate to the Beatles? ”
“Pretty much the entire world,” Blaine said dryly.
“Yeah,” Ryder added, “I can definitely still relate.”
“Why?” Kitty asked, “Were the Beatles dyslexic and cat-fished by transsexuals?”
Ryder swatted the back of her head, and she turned and gave him a dirty look.
“And you wonder why everybody hates you,” Tina told her.
“When George Harrison was a kid, he was made fun of ’cause his dad was the bus driver.
“John Lennon’s dad wasn’t even around. He walked out of John’s life when he was five,” Jake said.
“Paul McCartney lost his mom to cancer,” Blaine added, “so he lost himself in the music to deal with the pain. Heartwrenching!”
“I don’t really know the Beatles; I’m a little on the black side,” Unique added.
“And Ringo Starr was a sickly little kid, which probably means he was sitting down a lot,” Artie added with a grin.
“And they decided to form a band, Which changed the world,” Mr Schue finished.
“Now, you guys are really gonna have to challenge yourselves this week. Bring your A-plus games. Perform these classic songs in new and exciting ways. If we can push ourselves to a whole new level, like the Beatles did constantly, we can win back-to-back national championships and form a New Directions! Dynasty!”
The room cheered!
“I anticipated some skepticism,” he continued, “so I asked Artie to prepares something to show you what we’re looking for.”
Artie rolled over, picked up an electric guitar, positioned himself in front of the group and began to perform a solo rendition of, “I Want To Tell You” complete with the opening guitar riffs and backed by the band.
Artie:
I want to tell you
My head is filled with things to say
When you’re here
All those words they seem to slip away
When I get near you
The games begin to drag me down
It’s all right
I’ll make you maybe next time around
But if I seem to act unkind
It’s only me, it’s not my mind
That is confusing things
I want to tell you
I feel hung up and I don’t know why
I don’t mind
I could wait forever, I’ve got time
Sometimes I wish I knew you well
Then I could speak my mind and tell you
Maybe you’d understand
I want to tell you
I feel hung up and I don’t know why
I don’t mind
I could wait forever, I’ve got time
I’ve got time
I’ve got time
As he finished the song the room erupted in a round of applause.
Artie smiled.
The bell rang.
“Alright, see you guys tomorrow,” Mr. Schue told them with a big grin, as people began to gather their things.
“Tina,” Blaine called, gesturing for her to follow him.
Artie put the guitar back on its stand and rolled over in front of Kitty, who was just finishing gathering her things.
He cleared his throat and addressed her.
“And speaking of … Your chariot awaits.”
He open his arms wide, invitingly.
She gave him an adorable smile.
“I’m serious, woman, hop aboard.”
She stepped down from the riser and sat on his lap, still unsure of what was going on.
As soon as she was seated, he turned the chair around and began wheeling the two of them out the door at a very slow pace.
“Okay, we’re moving slower than Jonah Hill trying to get out of the bathtub,” she observed dryly.
When two cheerios gave them a confused look she added, “And everyone is staring.”
“Yeah, at our hotness,” he joked.
She smiled.
Then he got serious, “You know, I never thanked you for making me come clean with my mom. I’m going to the Brooklyn Film Academy because of you. And to thank you, I want to take you to BreadstiX.
“Besides,” he added, “we both know that the raw, animal attraction between us is undeniable.”
“Did you really just say that?” She asked, chuckling. “No wonder Tina broke up with you. And Brittany and Sugar and the girl in the wheelchair with the disturbingly massive boobs. And P.S., I hate BreadstiX.”
That last part confused him because he’d seen her there on numerous occasions, but he didn’t let that dissuade him.
“Okay, well, there’s a carnival in town,” he suggested. “That could be fun.”
“Yeah, if you want to trust your life to toothless carnies who operate the rides,” she joked.
“Okay. So is that a yes or a no?” He asked her.
He stopped and she climbed off of him. He turned on the music in his iPhone and in response she began to sing
Artie and Kitty:
Asked a girl what she wanted to be
She said baby can’t you see
I want to be famous, a star on the screen
Kitty with Artie and New Directions Boys:
But you can do something in between
Artie with Kitty and New Directions Boys:
Baby you can drive my car
Yes I’m gonna be a star
Baby you can drive my car
And maybe I’ll love you
Artie and Kitty:
I told a girl that my prospects were good
And she said baby, it’s understood
Working for peanuts is all very fine
Artie and Kitty with New Directions Boys:
But I can show you a better time
Artie with Kitty and New Directions Boys:
Baby you can drive my car
Yes I’m gonna be a star
Baby you can drive my car
And maybe I’ll love you
Artie and Kitty (with New Directions Boys):
Beep beep’m beep beep (yeah)
Artie with Kitty and New Directions Boys:
Baby you can drive my car
Yes I’m gonna be a star
Baby you can drive my car
And maybe I’ll love you
Kitty and Artie:
I told a girl I can start right away
And she said listen babe I got something to say
I got no car and it’s breaking my heart
Artie and Kitty with New Directions Boys:
But I’ve found a driver and that’s a start
Artie with Kitty and New Directions Boys:
Baby you can drive my car
Yes I’m gonna be a star
Baby you can drive my car
And maybe I’ll love you
Artie and Kitty (with New Directions Boys):
Beep beep’m beep beep (yeah)
Beep beep’m beep beep (yeah)
Beep beep’m beep beep (yeah)
Beep beep’m beep beep (yeah)
Beep beep’m beep beep (yeah)
Beep beep’m beep beep (yeah)
Beep beep’m beep beep (yeah)
“I’ll pick you up at six,” she told him with a straight face, walking away.
He smiled.